*addition

After a conversation with my father (and the recent reception of a 94 on the test I was studying for...), I would like to modify my previous post: my studying may simply have been lazy but I wonder if maybe, for the first time, I followed the course well and didn't necessarily need to study as intensely as I normally should. Hopeful, I know...But it's possible.

Lazy, lazy, lazy, lazy...times infinity

I've realized that a large part of studying for me is convincing myself I'm ready for the test. I'll ask a bunch of people what they think is on it and what they've studied, I'll look over the list of things the teacher said to study, I'll ask other people about what they know for comparison, etc. But, I spend very little time reading and studying the material. This is the worst form of procrastination: not only am I not studying, but I am also wasting time I could spend watching TV, talking to people, or just plain relaxing. Turning pages and spacing out... This is what I call extreme laziness. I have all I need to process the material in front of me yet some mental block is preventing me from fucking learning it! These are the bad habits one is supposed to kick in high school. Why am I so lazy? Shit.

fuck.

British Cinema midterm 1,172 words over the limit...

Photography

Okay, so I'm back, but just to upload some photos I took when visiting Bath.

I was clearly interested in this water sculpture...

I guess these are enough for the time being...

The other day, I was talking to one of my friends in our program. We were going through giving one sentence interpretations of all of their characters (stupid, I know, but somehow refreshing...). We came across one kid who prides himself on being a good photographer. She said that he "had the occasional picture that had depth but, most of the time, his work remained on the surface". I don't consider myself a photographer, but I do enjoy taking the occasional picture. This comment was disheartening as I believe, now, that my photographs are purely aesthetic--they lack a special vision or, as she put it, "depth". The fact that I notice patterns and geometric shapes is very apparent in the pictures I've uploaded: almost every single one has an edge lined up with a straight line in the landscape. This is similar to the way I process non-visual information as well. When I read, I like to create my own categories into which all the information I intake will fit. Though this is a sound idea in theory, it limits my interpretations. It means I have basically, upon beginning to read, already decided how I am going to interpret the piece of writing, and it therefore causes me to ignore possibly important information because it does not comply with my "gut" interpretation. The same applies to my photographs: I see the shapes and patterns only to ignore a "deeper" meaning.

(I do notice that all of my theories about myself revolve around me denouncing an ability I earlier thought I had, but don't worry --more positive posts will come in the future...)